Episode 47 | Not Many Fathers

In this episode of the OneFamily Podcast, Stephen Hogue sits down with Pastor Rick, a jail chaplain with more than 22 years of ministry experience, for a powerful conversation about fatherlessness, broken families, and the importance of a father’s presence and affirmation.

Through stories from Pastor Rick’s ministry and Stephen’s own family journey, they discuss how parents can break generational cycles, speak life over their children, and build a different legacy. Most importantly, they share the hope that no family is beyond God’s ability to heal, restore, and make whole.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

UC is uh Sun Demographics it's seen as twenty five all the way up to almost eighty percent if I go to Sun neighborhoods. Well, welcome. My name is Stephen Hogue. Welcome to the One Family Podcast. I have a really great friend, a guy named Pastor Rick is with us today. Thank you for joining us. You welcome Pastor Rick, we really appreciate it. Uh we host a camp every year for foster kids. This year was our fourth year doing it, and you came as a counselor, and um it was a great week. We had 22 kids. Uh it's it's challenging, isn't it? Uh, but these are 22 foster kids that we've taken in for five days. We had 51 volunteers, and we'll take counselors, put one counselor with one kid for the whole week. So you had one kid for the whole week that you got to spend time with. And um, yeah, it was it how'd it go for you?

SPEAKER_01 1:16

It was great. I didn't know what to accept. I really enjoyed, but seeing the difference in kids, and it's like God knows exactly who to put with each person.

SPEAKER_02 1:25

Exactly right. Yeah. And so speaking of that kid compared to what you do today, tell me first of all, what you're doing. Give me just a little bit of background in what you're doing right now in ministry.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

I'm a chaplain for Good News Global. I'm a jail chaplain, so I get to spend all my time in jail, but minister to inmates. Uh, so a lot of inmates, their background has been they've come out of foster care. Correct. Or I met a lot of parents who have been absentee parents whose kids end up in foster care.

SPEAKER_02 1:57

Wow. And so when you're ministering to that boy, how old was he? That boy you're in the head camp, 10 years old. Ten years old. I mean, it if the enemy has his way, he's either going to be dead or in jail one day, and one of the guys you you're ministering to or or representing one of those guys. So uh in Malachi four, five through six, it says, Look, I'm sending you the prophet Elijah before the great and dreadful day of the Lord. His preaching will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers. Otherwise, I will come and strike the land with a curse. Have we not seen the curse of fatherlessness? And you you see in uh some demographics, it's either 25 all the way up to almost 80% fatherless. Some neighborhoods, 80% fatherless. And no wonder it's chaos, no wonder there's crime. So what I want to do is just talk to you a little bit and talk to those that are watching, especially our families, that the importance of sewing the word in to your kids now. Uh, I just did a podcast on uh setting up stones of remembrance, uh, praying for your children, praying the word over your children. How do we go upstream now and stop kids from going down that path where they end up in your jail? So, from your experience in the jail, how often do you see the lack of a healthy father figure in the lives of the men you minister to?

SPEAKER_01 3:31

Well, if I can go back, I've been with Good News Globe for now over 22 years. And when I first started with Good News, I was in Wisconsin. I went and visited our chaplain in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, just to kind of get some hands-on and give me the contact of the ropes. And he took me into a group. We happened to meet with 12 juvenile, 12 youth that were in their juvenile hall. And I asked a question to him this one, I just said, How many of you have a relationship with your father? This was boys and girls. One out of twelve. Well, and it wasn't a good relationship. That was it.

SPEAKER_02 4:09

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

That was very telling. And I've seen over the years I've many that come through the foster system and they've ended up. It's not unusual.

SPEAKER_02 4:22

Do you find yourself being a father figure to these guys now? Oh, a lot of it, absolutely. What does that look like? How do they when you see your yourself being in a father role for them? Um what does it look like?

SPEAKER_01 4:37

A lot of them, well, a lot of people they don't know how to connect with a a male, especially an older male. Oh, they're running around people their age and doing the same thing that they've done. And I've met many when they get there. In fact, many have no clue who dad is. At all. At all. They have no relationship. I have one in that group of 12 juveniles. One female told me when I mentioned dad, she her answer was, Oh, that sperm donor. That's it. She knew nothing. And but most of these kids didn't know who dad was, didn't care who dad was, and didn't want to know who dad was.

SPEAKER_02 5:23

Wow. You know, Father's Day is one of my favorite holidays because I love to point people to the our Heavenly Father. Uh, in popularity, it's ranked almost 20th. And under with all these major holidays, it's ranked so low because of father wounds and because of uh what what we've gone through with our fathers. And often we will project onto God how our earthly father treated us. And that's not right, but it happens. And so it's a really big deal that we um have fathers that would step up and people who can be in a father role, like you are uh to these men. Yeah. I think that a father's some of the jobs of a father, of course, is to teach, bring wisdom, protect, provide. My opinion is the greatest role of a father, which is probably something you're doing there, is affirmation. A father should affirm who somebody is. Now, nowadays, our you know, the word identity is this fluid thing, like you can be anything you want. And there's like I saw a parade, a video of a parade that was sponsored by the city, that was affirmed by all these adults, and it was these kids dressed up as animals, this furry movement. And they're they're they're walking on all fours down the street and being paraded. And it's like you can identify as an animal if you want. You can identify, and I think that no, you can't. You can only identify as who God made you to be. We were made in his image. We were made male and female in his image. In order to walk in true peace and joy, we have to identify as who he says we are. Well, as a father, we should be affirming who God says our kids are to them. So when you're dealing with these guys, you can affirm to them, you know, they're better than this, how they've been acting and how they've been living. There's more for them than what they have. There's more in them than what they're seeing. And our job is to help pull greatness out of them. Uh, what are uh some of the common wounds or patterns that you see in men uh who didn't grow up without the love and guidance of a father? What what what are the wounds you see?

SPEAKER_01 7:33

A lot of ones just rejection. I mean, they feel or they're unworthy.

SPEAKER_02 7:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:38

It's a huge one. In fact, I had when you talked about affirmation, I remember this over 20 years ago. We had a female been in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out. She was probably in her late 30s, early 40s. She completed uh some Bible studies that Good News Global did, and I brought certificates to her. And I gave them to her. She did really good. And I remember telling her, I said, told her name, and I said, I am so proud of you. And she started crying, and I thought, What did I do?

SPEAKER_02 8:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

I said I didn't mean she said no one's ever said they're proud of me. Wow. She's in her late 30s, early 40s. Just kind of blew me away.

SPEAKER_02 8:19

Yeah. That's affirmation. I'm proud of you. I love you. You're my daughter. You're special to me. Many of the kids don't hear that's affirmation. Um to to affirm it means to state as fact, an affirmation, say this is how it is. Now, a lot of them got you're worth, you're nothing. I hate you. I wish you weren't born. I had uh somebody tell me one time that their mom told them, I wish you had been aborted. You know, imagine hearing that. That's they have no value, they have no worth, and no wonder they give themselves over to addiction. They don't care, they don't think they're worth anything, but they are worth something. And that's the important role of a father. And I know what you're doing in the jail is important because you're telling them what they're worth. Um, what can parents, especially fathers, do today to help their children avoid the choices that would lead them to jail like this? What do you think the parents can do?

SPEAKER_01 9:14

I think one of the first things that especially as a father, because you can be a father in the home, but not be there. That's true. It's be there, be present. I think that's the first time is because we get guys, we can get so goal focused, so driven. I gotta support my family, and but we think of the support of outside the home making money.

SPEAKER_02 9:40

Yeah. And that's your yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:42

What about to support inside? Yeah, exactly right. That's good. That's to be there for your kids and make sure to let your kids know that they are a priority in your life. Because it's easy if we don't consciously do that, we're just staying focused. I gotta be the breadwinner, I gotta be out there doing it and doing it, and then uh our kids don't know us.

SPEAKER_02 10:04

Yeah. You know, I like to say this way, this is generally speaking, there's three types of dads. Now, generally speaking, good dad, bad dad, and no dad. And good dads aren't perfect dads, but they are present and they they they try to affirm their kids, right? And they they speak life in them. Uh the bad dad could be an abusive dad, a dad who was um, you know, uh hurtful, abusive physically or emotionally or verbally. Then you have the no dad, he's absent, and like you said, he could be in the home but still be absent, completely absent. And um though that is detrimental. Now I've seen bad dads become good dads. I've seen God restore families and turn things around and bring healing. And I look back in my life, we had five kids and then we got five more. We have 10 kids. So we kind of had two waves of kids. And I remember feeling like I made a ton of mistakes with the first five and trying to learn and become a better dad as I grow the best I can, uh, as I got more kids coming. Um, and so God can definitely do that. But it's interesting how having a healthy father role or father figure in your life, how it really affects your path and the importance of that. I find too that praying the word over your children is important because the word doesn't return void. So when you pray the word, that word is going to chase them down until it accomplishes what it says. And so I do that all the time. I pray over my children and the word of God, and I attach a scripture to it, and I keep doing it over and over and over. And I also ask God for grace because I mess up and make mistakes, and I have moments where I have to repent or apologize to them for blowing it, and that I ask them to show me some grace as I try my very best. Um for someone who grew up without a good father, how can they break the cycle instead of repeating it in their own family? That's a good one.

SPEAKER_01 12:12

I think one of the things is that they want we're gonna if we're not careful, we're gonna fall into the same trap contract in jail. I've seen dad, son, grandson, all in jail, all in jail, same type, same thing, and they don't have much of a relationship at all. But sons following dad, grandsons following dad and grandfather, it's because we default. So if I don't purposely choose to do something different, that if I don't want to grow by if I don't want my kids be feel the same way, I feel I need to do something about it. That means I need to make sure I engage my kids. I need to make sure I purposely make them a high priority in my life. But I can do that. And a good way to do that is that I found is being inside a church, I've had many father figures. My father died when I was 13, but I had many father figures in my life that spoke to me, that modeled things to me, yeah, that I picked up. And those are things that I put to practice in my life.

SPEAKER_02 13:25

It's huge. That's amazing. I think if you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep having what you're having. So until you're willing to do something you've never done before, nothing's gonna change. And the breaking that cycle is making a decision. Enough is enough. I I'm not going this way anymore. Um, actually, this book here, this book here uh is called Not Many Fathers. You know, Paul says, uh, for though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for I have become your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel. 1 Corinthians 4 15. So a lot of people do not have many fathers that they needed, or the father that they needed. And so this book is about fathers. I want to encourage you to get it. You can go on our website, onefamilyfl.com. I'm giving you this copy today for you. But in here in the very beginning, in the intro, uh, I did some research on my own family. And I found out that my great-grandfather, my grandfather's dad, lived uh not far from here over in Putnam County in Crescent City, and he was a terrible, terrible man. Um, in fact, my dad went back to Crescent City uh years ago to go see where my grandfather lived and met this old, old man out in front of some store sitting there, started talking to him and said, Oh, I knew your your grandfather. He was a mean man. He taught me how to cuss. That's what he said. Well, this guy was not only a mean man, but he left his family. He was a womanizer and he just left uh, I think it was three kids. My grandfather was the second born only son, and he just walked away and he made a decision. I'm not going to be like that man. Well, my grandfather was 16. He was on a school bus going to school in 1933, and it was a foggy day. They were going over rover tracks, and the train hit the school bus. Out of 26 kids, 11 were killed. And my grandfather woke up on the cow catcher of the train with a broken back, but lived. Okay. So he could have died that day. I wouldn't, I would not be here, right? Then my dad be uh so my grandfather had uh four daughters and a son. My dad was a secondborn only son. So out of four daughters, one boy, he was a secondborn, just like his dad. My dad got a disease when he was 19. The mumps, if you remember the mumps. Yeah. And if it spreads, it can affect your sterility and you can become sterile. The doctor told him that it did spread and he wouldn't be able to have children. At 19, he told him that. And when my dad got saved, my dad decided he was going to be a godly man and um got married and ended up having two children, which was a miracle. A daughter and then a son. I'm the secondborn only son, just like my grandfather and just like him. And I made a decision, and I'm gonna lead my family in the ways of the Lord. And each generation actually got better in that sense of seeking the Lord. Well, guess what? My wife and I were told by a doctor we can't have children. Then my sister gets married, and in the first year of marriage, her husband gets testicular cancer. So you can literally see the attack on the males of our home. The generational attack from the from the mean great-grandfather that was not godly all the way down. You can see the enemy trying to attack our family. And now I was able to adopt 10 kids, six of them boys, to carry on the name. But you can see the enemy's attack, and it comes to a point where we say, enough is enough. This cycle has to break. And for the kids we've adopted, we've had to pray and break the cycles, the generational cycles over them that they brought in, that we inherited into our home. A lot of uh alcoholism, a lot of incarceration, domestic violence and abuse and all these things, and say, no, it stops right here. It stops now. So I want to uh commend you for what you're doing. Uh I I really appreciate it. It is very, very important that we have this spectrum of ministry we want to prevent, but then we also do have the ones that are in there now, and they're in a place where there many of them are more open to receive than they would have otherwise. So they're they're hitting rock bottom and they're open to hear from you. And I pray there's great favor on you to minister to them and that God would restore their families. What I'd like you to do, uh, Pastor Rick, is close this out in prayer. Pray for families, pray for children now so they don't end up in in your ministry. It's the same with ours. I want, I don't want to be doing foster care ministry in the sense that if we didn't have kids being abused, neglected, and abandoned, we wouldn't have foster care ministry. Wouldn't it be great if the family was healed and whole and it worked both of us out of a job?

SPEAKER_01 18:24

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 18:25

Our job is this reactionary thing to a problem when we can really go upstream and see the families healed and not have our jobs. Wouldn't that be great? We can go do something else. So why don't you pray that and pray over families and pray over those? In fact, I feel like there's somebody watching today that either you are incarcerated at some point, or maybe you have a child that's incarcerated and you just you're hopeless and you've dealt with that, maybe a lot of shame or regret. Just speak to that and pray for them and encourage them and that God can restore it and God can turn it around. But what we're believing for is that our children will grow up to love the Lord and serve the Lord and not find themselves pulled into the flow of the world and end up in a jail, broken and destroyed by the enemy who comes to kill, steal, and destroy. So let's pray over the families that are watching today.

SPEAKER_01 19:18

Jesus, we thank you. We thank you for your incredible love. But also, Father, we thank you for the power of the gospel, Lord. Father, the Bible's all about restoration, about healing broken relationships. In fact, Lord, your word declares that you have given us the ministry of reconciliation. That's bringing the broken back together. The relationships that are shattered could be mended and made whole. And so, Father, we thank you for that, Lord. And Father, I pray for those, Father, that where I'm at, Lord, who've come through maybe the foster care system, broken homes, Lord, that end up where I'm at, Lord. I lift them up. Father, today I spoke to a man. And one thing I was able to pray for was his family, those that are outside that are hurt, that are broken, that you would begin to work on each one where they're at right now, Lord. And when he gets out, Lord, that you draw that family together as only you're able to, Father. And Lord, I pray for that healing. I pray for hope. I pray for just that you bind up the brokenhearted Lord. And that Father, for families, I deal with so many who have no relationship with their families. God, one of my hearts cries that you restore the relationship. You restore fathers back to children, father, restore children back to their parents. Father, restore brothers and sisters back together, Lord. Father, the priority of your kingdom is the family. That's right. And Lord, Pastor Stephen, and my relationships are dealing with broken, shattered families. But we do what we do because you care for each and every one. You care for the offender, you care for the offended. And you can change their hearts, Lord. You can take the offender and turn them into a loving parent, a father, a productive member of society. You can take a child that feels abandoned and broken and abused, and you can bring healing, and you can bring life where there's been death. You can bring hope where there's there's no hope, Father. And you can bring love flourishing where there's been devastation, Lord. And so, Father, I pray for families, Lord, shattered families, families that it seems like there's no hope. But with you there is always hope.

SPEAKER_02 21:34

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

Father, just as you've called Lazarus out of the grave, Lord, I call families, broken, hurting families, Lord. I called them out of the grave and to be resurrected in the name of Jesus. Father, I pray that every father, every mother that's incarcerated would be restored to their families, Lord. I pray for new love as they experience your love. I prayed for the same love you have for them that they would experience. For their children, Lord. And Father, any child who's been filled, neglected, or broken or just worthless, Lord, I pray you would build up to them a sense of worth first and foremost that they realize they are loved. And not only they experience that love, Father, that that would begin to grow and love would come forth out of them, Father, from parent to child, child to parent, Lord. You are able to restore things. Lord, that's why I do what I do, and that's why Pastor Seam does what he does. If there is no hope, there'd be no reason for us to do it. But because there is hope, because we've experienced hope, because we've experienced your love, you send us to those that are broken. You know exactly where to send us. And so, Lord, I thank you for the 22 years I've seen your hand, I've seen lives completely changed, Lord. And probably one of the most powerful times in all my times of ministry, Lord, is when I had a banquet and I had six moms that were uh sharing the testimony and thanking everybody for supporting the ministry because and their six children came up on their stage on the stage, and everybody got to see the work that you do. You restore families, so I I speak restoration over families, Lord. Broken hearts binded up and wounds healed. And so, Father, we thank you. I pray blessing on Pastor Stephen's ministry. Lord, now my prayer is that there would be such a mighty move of yours that his ministry would go away, that my ministry would go away. There would be no need for it. But until then, Lord, continue to raise up and send out so people can hear how much you love and experience your love through us. We pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.

SPEAKER_02 23:54

Amen. Thank you for watching today, Pastor Rick. That's powerful. Somebody's watching today and you're getting encouraged. God is going to restore your family. I believe that. I want you to go to onefamilyfl.com today, see all that God is doing through this ministry. I'd ask you to pray about partnering with us on a monthly basis. It will be a huge blessing to help us continue to do what God has called us to do, uh, not only through the camp, um, but through all of the other ministries that we have. We're getting ready to start a trauma-informed parent coaching ministry. Uh, we do the podcast here to get content out. We've produced a documentary called the Invisible Mission Field that you can find on the website. So many things that God is doing. You can partner with us. I also want to thank Greater Grace Chapel here in the Daytona Beach area. Their website is ggccvc.com. That's ggcvc.com. And they are sponsoring this episode. So I really appreciate them and pray that God would bless Pastor Al and that wonderful church. Thank you, Pastor Rick, for coming. You're a blessing. We we pray for you. We're standing with you. We appreciate what you're doing on the front lines there at the jail. And I just call forth more over you and over your ministry. More. Everything you need. In fact, I want to pray for him. All the monthly support that you need right now, um, even more than enough. I just release that and pray over him, Lord, that and declare over him that unexpected checks would come in the mail, that great favor would come upon him financially. Guys that are hardened right now, that don't trust him, that won't listen to him, that won't talk to him, that will soften and begin to open up and receive. And that even the ones that he goes to hand them a Bible and they say, I don't need it, we'll we'll take the Bible and begin to read it. Great favor. In fact, when he needs Bibles, he'll always be able to get them easily and quickly and not have to worry about that. I pray for favor from Christian companies and publishers to bring to send him Bibles and resources and things that he needs, literature to help the inmates, Lord God, favor and more over his life and ministry in Jesus' name. Amen. Thank you for joining us today. We really appreciate it. Have a wonderful day. God bless you.